Archive | July, 2012

Gluten Free, Soy Free, AND Dairy Free Coffee…

15 Jul Funny Horse

So, I left  for the hospital an hour earlier than usual.  I wanted to stop by a local horse ranch to see the horses graze.   I love horses, from their demur gallop to their intense distant gaze when a stranger approaches.   They capture majesty & power; elegance & composure–all at once.    Not like Mr. ED.

Funny Horse

Um….something like that…

The picket fence on the stabble  has a sign which always makes me giggle:

“Don’t feed the horses. They don’t know the difference between carrots and your fingers.”

Obviously, I couldn’t break the law and risk my little fingers–so, I did the most logical thing:  I brought cucumbers from home.  Whole cucumbers.   I didn’t have time to chop them up finely.   I’m no Julia Child or Rachel Ray.

It was a beautiful day.  The sun was shining and I could feel its generous embrace.  As the horses enjoyed their breakfast, I too was enjoying my breakfast.  I was  “eating”  a medium black coffee from Starbucks. Pike Blend. No sugar. No creamer.

My Starbucks’ cashier, Nick–who by the way is a very handsome gentleman whose voice  rivals that of  Tom Brokaw–jokingly asks me every single day:  “so,  you just want a plain black coffee?  I think you would like x, y, or z.”   I roll my eyes, as my stomach  clenches up—I think to myself, just like the last 12 months since I have been coming here–“Yes,  my order will be the same,  Nick.”

Does Starbucks  train all of their employees to be so nosey, or is it an innate skill of the food/service industry?

This has been going on for over 12 months! He always follows up his initial line of questioning, with  “So, you must be on a diet. You know you look great, and don’t need to be on one.” Or, “How about a free sample of some freakin frapichiano, mochachino.” And, my fav: “Do you really like black coffee? What does it taste like?”   Funny thing is that I tell nick every single time why I prefer my coffee black.  And, it’s not because I’m cheap.

I kinda feel defensive at times.

We live in such a culinary advanced world of fancy sounding gourmet coffees and foods:  foods from the far east  to the local organic farmers from my neighbor’s yard.  Btw, half of them I cannot pronounce & half of them, I pretend to know how to pronounce.  My favorite ever:  Legume or is it Legume’.   Lima Beans should do.

I drink this many…

Or maybe Nick is forced to ask personal questions because I am so charming. Whatever the case, he is as annoying as the little sister that I never had.

I giggle to myself the most when  the service staff thinks I’m on a diet.   I have always been the cool chick, a “guy’s guy” of chicks if you will.   The kind of woman who uses the word chick without repercussions from stern feminists.   The one who will eat pizza and chase it down it with a beer after a kick-ass game of beer-pong.   This new persona of being viewed as  a High-Maintenance chick scares me at times.

You are what you eat, they say.  It’s the American way of forming an identity.  These days it seems like there’s an added variable to that identity. You are perceived by the way you refuse something or by the way your request is perceived as a demand when you order out.  And this was just coffee.   The lady at Denny’s thinks I’m very cultured and snotty.   Um, I choose to come to Denny’s for breakfast.  I eat quickly while reading the newspaper, then have to put the paper away because I break out in a rash or a hive, and then I can’t breathe because they give me asthma.  I am allergic to everything, also.  Joy.

At least my rescue inhaler isn’t blinged out with the word “Bling” plastered on the sides.     How snotty can I be, lady;  I dream of eating freakin’ tator tots!?!

I always explain to  Nick why I can’t have anything else on their grand menu.  I always explain the difference between food allergies, celiac disease, and gluten intolerance.  Knowing full well Nick would ask again tomorrow.  And he too will apologize tomorrow morning for asking another presuming question about my personality.

Good thing he can’t see my four inch stiletto heels.  That could suggest high-maintenance.    As a young doctor, I think it’s my duty to educate every-person that I come in contact with.  It’s like my super-power.   But sometimes, a girl just wants to eat.

As a highly experienced  coffee snot, I always ask for a coffee stopper for my coffee.  OMG! I am so happy they are gluten free.